What has your tongue ever done for you recently? It just gets in the way and is usually smelly. You’re better off without one.

Not many people know that Jesus is a chubby chaser. He loves bitches with some extra junk in their trunk.

Jesus loves old paintings. Old nude paintings. Old nude paints of men. I’m just sayin’.

Jesus needs your money. Do you know how much insurance is for a Ferrari? He needs your money bad.

This guy looks like he shaves with a broken whiskey bottle. Jesus is usually still too drunk to shave, so he rocks the beard look.

Jesus has always been a big fan of clowns. He believes that foot size equals penis size, so those big shoes really get him excited.

Every time Jesus watches the “two girls one cup” video he gets hungry for peanut butter. Extra chunky is his favorite.

Jesus is always down for some hot lesbo action. That’s why his favorite dinosaurs are the lickalotopuss and the clitolickumus.